My childhood home, in Detroit, is currently abandoned, as it’s been for many years now.
I know this because my oldest sister recently visited the house just to see what’s become of the place where we spent our early years together.
She took some pictures as she toured the place, with one of them being the kitchen. You can see what that looks like in the picture I’ve attached.
The only difference between what it looks like now and what it looked like when I last saw it in 1993 is, it used to have a sink and appliances. And the counter top was always stacked with old, dirty dishes and rotten food, from the counter top to the ceiling. Also, cockroaches used to have a comfortable abode among those dishes.
(Now that I’m an investor and businessman, I’ve realized those roaches were getting away without paying a dime of rent.)
Indeed, I grew up extremely poor.
I’ve talked a lot about what that experience was like, so I won’t get into that too much today.
Instead, I’ll just give two major reasons why I’m so grateful that I grew up so poor.
I Never Got Used To Luxury
As a kid, a luxury for me was a cheeseburger from McDonald’s. Seriously. I remember an extended family member once taking me to McDonald’s and allowing me to order whatever I wanted. I ordered five cheeseburgers. And I ate them all.
Stainless steel refrigerators don’t really mean much to you when you have no food to put in one anyway.
And having a big house never meant anything to me, as I was more concerned with getting out of the house and away from my drug-addled mother (when she was actually home at all). All I wanted was a bicycle, a little food to quell the hunger pangs, and a few quarters to play arcade games down at the local party store.
Growing up as poor as I did gave me a different worldview than what I think a lot of my peers have.
I never desired great luxury in my life because I never experienced it. Moreover, my expectations were lowered so much, it takes very little for me feel satisfied and happy. And so I don’t feel like I’m “missing out” on anything now that very little luxury exists in my life.
When the bar is set very low, one doesn’t have to jump very high. And when one doesn’t have to expend so much energy jumping high for no real reason at all, there’s a lot of energy left over to pursue more meaningful pursuits in life, such as philanthropy and love.
I guess I realized early on that things don’t buy me happiness because I’ve been pretty happy with very little stuff in my life.
It was the ultimate experiment, although certainly not one I would have chosen for myself at the outset. Nonetheless, the experience has been invaluable.
Knowing that I could end up so happy and successful in life with very little luxury or stuff means I spent very little time trying to chase after things. Other than wasting an inheritance at 21 years old partly because of a temporarily warped frame of mind and partly because of curiosity, I’ve largely eschewed true luxury in my life.
If I had grown up used to luxury, things might be different. I might feel like I’m giving something up, as if my life is somehow less complete without these things surrounding me. It’s like a security blanket that one creates out of thin air. Luxury might not actually do much for personal happiness and fulfillment, but my viewpoint might be different if it’s all I had known.
Thankfully, in a strange way, the extremely poor conditions I was exposed to in childhood showed me that it doesn’t take much money to be happy. My optimism was far more powerful than a check could have ever been back then.
And my living conditions today are significantly better than they were back then, even if they’re perhaps not up to par for what most people my age are used to. Whereas other people might be bummed out if they were to suddenly be forced to live like me, I’m quite grateful.
I’ve Had A Chip On My Shoulder
Seeing my mother deteriorate fairly rapidly right in front of me provided me incredible motivation to never end up like her, which is something that I believe has constantly pushed me to become a better and happier version of myself. It’s something I retrospectively thank her for.
Moreover, and as a consequence, I developed a chip on my shoulder at a young age.
I’ve been so determined to not be the poor kid from Detroit that never escaped that vacuum. It’s turned into this burning desire in my stomach ever since to prove everyone I grew up with wrong.
They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Well, I wanted to be so far from the orchard that I now live 1,200 miles away from those humble beginnings.
And it’s possibly due to this secret fear inside of me that some of the genetic code that my mother and father imprinted on me could eventually lead me down some dark and disastrous path, I’ve been so self-aware and cognizant of everything I’ve been doing. While I’m glad that I’ve been able to take some of my mom’s more twisted views on life and contort and shape them for my own good, it’s a fine line to walk.
There’s this constant sense of proving my value and worth. I feel like I had to tell myself so many times as a child that “I’m not my mother” and “I’m not my father”, this voice still exists somewhere deep down inside of me.
And it’s that inner fighter that propels me forward all the time. It keeps me motivated and inspired to strive toward a better me, because I know that moving closer to the light is one step further away from the darkness. Every single improvement I make to myself is just one more brick in the castle of proof that I’m not anything like my parents.
Everything I’ve built shows that their failures are my successes, that their giving up is my fighting spirit, that their acceptance of despair is my disdain for it.
It’s almost like being in such a deep hole that they dug and forced me into motivated me to climb the tallest mountains in the world.
And that inner 10-year-old kid screaming to the world that I’m so much more keeps screaming, with this chip on my shoulder never quite disappearing. It’s really the gift that keeps on giving, even though unfortunate circumstances generated its existence in the first place.
Conclusion
Growing up in a crack house in Detroit might permanently impair some people. There are some that might never be able to escape humble beginnings. And I’m certainly fortunate that certain events (like my mother giving us up for adoption) coalesced the way they did, as my climb up out of that hole would have been otherwise more difficult.
But I think it’s really the ability to turn weaknesses into strengths and remain optimistic under all circumstances that allows certain people to become more successful in life. I try to always see drawbacks as benefits as a result. And so it’s my belief that nothing can hold me back.
Moreover, growing up devoid of modern-day luxuries means my current frugal lifestyle is all the more acceptable, as I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. If anything, I feel incredibly blessed that I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and warm weather all year round. It truly is the simple things in life.
What about you? Did you grow up poor? If you did, do you see how it would be an advantage?
Thanks for reading.
Your article reminds me of a video I watch some years back. The person because rich and believe he was living in New York City. He was not always rich and grew up very poor. I believe it a third world country he was home. When he became rich, he kept living in a bachelor apartment and said something along the lines “this is luxury to what I grew up with “
IP,
That’s really interesting!
I think perspective is so important. And I have perhaps a built-in advantage, as my crazy childhood blessed me with this unique perspective that allows me to find maybe more enjoyment and satisfaction from basic essentials in life than some others. Of course, it’s just my nature to take weaknesses and figure out how to make them strengths. 🙂
I can see how this individual was happy just living in NYC. That would be pretty amazing, especially coming from abject poverty. At that point, you already have a massive luxury in your life (via the location alone).
Thanks for dropping by!
Cheers.
Great post. I really enjoyed reading it.
I did not grow up poor. We were, I guess, lower middle class when I was growing up.
I can see how someone in that situation can use that as a motivation, but It really is a decision within. A lot of people in that same situation will more likely still be in that situation all grown up. A lot of people want changes in their life, but they never really get down to work to make the changes they want.
FV,
Thanks so much!
Yeah, I agree with you. A lot of people will just stay in that cycle, which is unfortunate. Just because something can be done (using your situation as motivation to improve), that doesn’t mean it will be done. I like to say that my whole journey to financial freedom was simple but not easy. Simple because it’s straightforward. But not easy because it’s really hard. And that goes for a lot of life changes. Not everyone has the will, persistence, patience, etc. Not everyone is built for success. And this lifestyle isn’t meant for everyone, either.
Thanks for stopping in!
Best regards.
I love the humor in this statement: “As an investor and businessman, I now see those roaches were getting away without paying a dime of rent.” Well said, Jason.
I grew up lower middle class- my parents immigrated to this country a few years before I was born with $15 in my fathers pocket and nothing to his name here. With no money to afford a ticket back home he had to make his own way here.
-Mike
I never ate outside the house until I was 10 years old or so, and had no concept of what a tip was. A highlight for me was shoplifting a pack of gum. Other than that I spent time down at the local nature park and in the woods nearby.
As far as the chip on your shoulder, it’s up to you to make peace with yourself mentally and then that will too be let go. But if you like having it there, by all means let it be.
Mike,
Those roaches got a great deal! 🙂
I love those “bootstrap” stories. Some people believe those stories are rare or overrated. I don’t agree. I see people persevering through all kinds of crazy circumstances all the time. Sure, some give up. But there are a lot of people out there who are really fighting for something better. Glad to hear that you and your family did that.
As for the chip, I quite like having it there. It gives me my work ethic, drive, etc. I wake up every day, excited to prove myself better than the guy who went to bed the prior night.
Thanks for sharing!
Best wishes.
Very interesting story!
I experienced both as my parents went bankrupt while I was 14 and going to private school at the same time. It taught me to do everything I need to never go bankrupt and lose everything. I was dead scared to lose money so I worked very hard and got myself a pretty good career in wealth management.
Then, I took a year off to travel. Things you learn when all you have is your wife and children around you and all the time in the world. I’m not worried of going bankrupt anymore. In fact, I don’t really mind. I rather enjoy life while I can and spend my time with people I love.
Cheers,
Mike
Mike,
Wealth is great, but it sure doesn’t mean much if you don’t meaningful relationships in your life.
As for going bankrupt, that’s certainly not something I’d like to experience. I guess my perspective is such that the money is just to really cement those “basics” in life (housing, food, etc.). Because I didn’t have those locked down as a kid, I crave that kind of security. Beyond that, the rest is superfluous, which is why I plan to give much of the rest away over time.
Thanks for dropping by!
Cheers.
Great strenght there Jason! Your a fine example of true American dream – if you really want something and pursuit it everyday anything is possible. Your a true example Jason. Thank you for that 🙂
P2035,
Thanks for the support and kind words! 🙂
I’ve received a lot of emails over the years from people who don’t think financial freedom is possible, because they come from really humble beginnings. However, I don’t see that as a disadvantage. In some ways, it’s a huge advantage. Just trying to provide some perspective and optimism.
Best regards.
All I can say is: amen. Growing up poor has its benefits. You had it worse, by far, but we both learned similar lessons about how little resources matter for happiness. God only knows how many hours of my childhood were spent with a neighborhood boy throwing a ball back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across a green space. It’s what we had, so it’s what we did.
financeswithpurpose,
Yeah, I think my parents did a great job at teaching me a little bit about hedonic adaptation. That certainly isn’t what they were aiming for, but I’ll take what I can get. 🙂
I think growing up poor gives you a lot of perspective and appreciation. Once you see how little it takes to really be happy in life, you kind of forget about chasing after the unnecessary. And you appreciate the nuances of just being able to do things like, say, walk to the refrigerator and find food. You see the little things a little clearer, I think.
Cheers!
Well said!
You have a good head on your shoulders. Most of the people that grew up in your situation feel that they are entitled to material items like air jordans and fancy cars because politicians keep telling them they are victims. You went out and did it the right way. Keep doing what you’re doing…you are inspiring many 🙂
Jeff,
Yeah, I feel genuinely bad for people who are put/stuck into tough situations. But my sympathy quickly gives out when these same people compound their problems by making terrible decisions, which ends up keeping them in a cycle. I learned that with my mom – you can’t help people who don’t want help. At the same time, you don’t want to empower/encourage them. And so I just try to be the change I wish to see in the world. 🙂
Best regards.
I didn’t grow up truly poor. Not well off though. I had Goodwill clothing and ate a lot of hotdogs. I never went without shoes and never missed a meal though. Much better than my parents upbringing. I can see how growing up rich could ‘spoil’ someone and I dodged that bullet.
FV,
Mmmmm. Hot dogs. 🙂
You said it right. It’s dodging a bullet. I don’t crave that which I don’t know, and I appreciate the little that I have. It sounds like we’re similar in that regard. It’s a huge advantage.
Cheers!
Humble or horrible beginnings have a way of molding people into either horrible or exceptional people. In my experience it’s one or the other. Hardly ever do I see average people emerge from such beginnings.
DR,
Interesting perspective. Sounds about right.
I suppose you either fall into the same trap that put you there, or you use that situation as a source of fire in your belly. Maybe it’s hard to fall somewhere in the middle when the situation is so extreme/dire. I used to hate my upbringing. I now see it as an incredible advantage in a lot of ways. I’m grateful. 🙂
Thanks for adding that!
Cheers.
Jason,
That is truly a powerful post, and I agree most of your peers were not handed such a rough start in their lives. That being said, its your attitude and effort that are things from which we can learn. Luxury encompasses so many things people take for granted, and mostly don’t inspire happiness. I wish more people had your outlook on life (I don’t wish the beginning on them, but the current), as it would be much better for us all.
On a personal note, I did not have a rough upbringing, but I know my father partly did. His dad died at 15 or 16, and it clearly transformed him into the worker he is (he cannot let a project go). It made him the man of the house. Lessons like that from a young age have a powerful impact on people, between you he and his siblings there were several good stories there for me.
Gremlin
(ps looking forward to potentially an update on your portfolio)
DG,
I totally agree. Those formative years have such a big impact on someone. The nature versus nurture debate is really interesting to me, but there’s no doubt that significant events at a young age can definitely change one’s whole perspective on life – often in a permanent manner. I used to really be bummed out about the life I was born into. But I now I actually cherish it, as I think it’s “paying dividends” now.
I often say to each their own, but I also wish people in our society weren’t so obsessed with chasing material goods. It’s just so much unnecessary waste. I’m an eternal optimist, but our species is pretty rough around the edges.
Thanks for stopping in!
Best wishes.
Deep post!
I feel it a lot, because I grew up poor also. Spent some years homeless as a child (living in shelters, and a car at one point), and then most of it in a trailer park.
It can definitely be an advantage. I probably wouldn’t be into wealth-building as much as I am if not for the experience.
Lyn,
That’s terrible.
Definitely not fun to experience that side of life. But it sure does provide a rich perspective that most people can’t/don’t understand. If we can take the worst things that happen to us and turn them into advantages, we’re practically unstoppable. 🙂
Best regards.
Hi Jason, great post. I especially liked the quote that stainless steel refrigerators mean nothing if there’s no food, so very true. It’s interesting to see that how someone grew up, or where they are from can become all that they know/want unless they make an effort to change things, which you did.
Congrats on the blog. Do you make it back to Detroit ever now that you’re 1,200 miles away? I grew up in the area and am currently in mid-Michigan.
Ross,
That’s a good question. I haven’t been back to Detroit in many years now. I can’t recall the last time I was there. It was a long time ago. I honestly don’t have any desire to ever visit the place. It does nothing for me. In fact, I haven’t been back to Michigan at all since 2014. And I don’t have any immediate plans to return. Florida has been really good to me. Michigan, not so much. So I’m taking what I can get. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Best regards.