I write quite a bit about my perspective on what it’s like to be financially free so early in life, sharing this first-person view in real-time.
That’s because I believe financial independence is part of a holistic lifestyle that helps one pursue happiness, and I can say that I’ve experienced a notable uptick in my own happiness, which I can directly attribute to this lifestyle.
Once you’re financially free, you have so much more time and energy to align your lifestyle with all that you value. It’s about adding value to your life. And when you find so much value being added to your life, you’ll no doubt be in a great spot to add value to others’ lives. This all allows one to become the best version of themselves.
As such, you’ll find few bigger fans of this lifestyle than me. And so I only hope that I’m able to inspire others looking for something similar out of their lives – this view is just too wonderful to keep all to myself.
However, not everything about this lifestyle is great.
While I certainly think the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, that doesn’t mean there are no drawbacks.
And while my experiences will naturally vary from yours, I thought it’d be insightful to share three drawbacks that have revealed themselves to various degrees in my own life.
Isolation
I’m a natural introvert, being an INTJ personality type, although I do feel that I’ve become more extroverted and less cynical after becoming financially free. I see the world differently than I ever have before. No longer being in a position of service, I’m freed of expectations by others while simultaneously assuming the best about those around me.
But there’s also a certain sense of isolation that comes with this lifestyle.
First, there’s the adopting of a frugal lifestyle, which can limit one’s social life to a degree.
If your friends usually hit the town on Friday nights, you have to make a choice there as to whether or not that’s going to make you happier than being in control of your time and life. And you have to decide whether or not you really value hitting the town. Or are you just doing it because everyone else is?
I don’t drink. And I don’t like small talk. So avoiding this kind of stuff actually came quite naturally to me. But your experience may differ.
Either way, it can be isolating.
I also no longer have co-workers to commiserate with, losing a potential source of friendship.
This shouldn’t be underestimated.
As adults, we have limited opportunities to make friends. It’s different than when you’re a kid, seemingly able to make friends all over the place. Work is to adults what school is to kids. Both can be a real drag. And both take up most of your waking hours. But both are also a major source of possible friendship.
I’m also not flowing with most of society. Most people are waking up early in the morning, working, going to lunch, working some more, and then coming home late in the day.
So I’m basically swimming against the current a lot of the time, seeing schools of fish swim past me and all around me. It’s a big ocean out there, which is certainly very exciting. However, it can be dark and lonely if you’re swimming out there alone much of the time.
And there’s kind of a sense of losing time, where Saturday becomes Tuesday. The days and hours blend together a little bit, which can be a little jarring if you’re used to (or prefer) a more agrarian or religious-based schedule with tightly defined workdays, weekends, and routines. I like not having a routine, but I sense that I’m in the minority there.
So there’s all of that, which can be a little jarring at first.
However, I think the larger sense of isolation exists in the form of not feeling like you can really connect with anyone.
It takes a fairly unique person with a special set of drive, foresight, will, persistence, patience, perseverance, creativity, and intelligence to achieve financial independence at a young age. It’s not something you accidentally happen upon.
As such, I find it hard to really relate to most people with more usual, everyday issues and perspectives. This issue is further compounded when people have an equally difficult time relating to me.
Whereas most people talk about subjects like the weather, their kids, work, and pop culture when they congregate, I’m more likely to want to discuss things like the power of financial freedom and how it impacts one’s pursuit of happiness, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, business news, philanthropic causes, opportunities and challenges we face as a species, and how to make our cities better in regards to design, infrastructure, transportation, and energy.
In essence, I’m looking for more than superficial conversations and connections.
Tangentially, it’s theorized that intelligent people are more likely to have fewer friends. I suppose it’s a gift and a curse to be intelligent.
Now, was I interested in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs or financial freedom when I was in my mid-20s and knee-deep in my career, just trying to make money and cover my lifestyle? Absolutely not. And, sure, some of these interests just come about with age.
But financial independence has a way of bestowing a new perspective upon someone. It, too, can be both a gift and a curse.
First, you’re no longer really thinking and talking about typical career issues, because… well, you probably have no “career” any longer. While you’ll most likely continue to exchange some of your time for money, it’s a totally different situation.
And with newfound time and energy to complement one’s unique set of aforementioned skills, your interests are likely to expand in terms of scope to the point where spending 30 minutes talking to someone about the weather or what reality show is popular seems like a total waste of precious time.
This all has the effect of isolating someone.
Even when you do happen upon the chance to meet someone new, there are good odds there that it’ll be difficult to connect due to disparate viewpoints.
Moreover, even just sharing the fact that you’re financially free can have an adverse impact, creating other potential drawbacks…
Resentment
Being resented for your success is a real threat, and it’s something I’ve personally faced.
This drawback sort of works hand in hand with the feeling of being isolated.
It can be hard to share the fact that you’re financially free with others around you, especially if they’re not already extremely close confidants.
All kinds of thoughts can enter one’s mind when they think about sharing their position in life.
“Will people change their expectations of me?”
“Will people understand what it took to get here?”
“Are people going to resent me for my financial position?”
I used to not really think too much about these issues, sharing my position pretty freely both through my writing and in real life, in hopes that it would inspire others looking for a way out of the rat race.
The thoughts that used to enter my head when thinking about sharing all of this used to be far more along the lines of how interested people would likely be.
“People will become instantly inspired by my story, motivated to improve their lives.”
“If I can do this, so can almost anyone else.”
“If a significant number of people live like this, we could potentially change the world.”
But after losing a good chunk of my family due to their resentment of my success, I’ve become a bit more hesitant to openly share my thoughts on all of this outside of this forum.
This fear of sharing what can become a substantial portion of your identity can further isolate you from others, meaning you’re only able to open up a little bit. You’re almost forced into more superficial conversations and relationships, which just makes you feel even more unlike everyone else. It can be a vicious circle of frustration.
Being Too Free
Can one be too free?
This is subject to debate, but I do think that being completely unchained can be an issue for some people.
What if you’re financially free but your significant other isn’t? Will they be okay with going off to work while you stay home, hang out at the coffee shop, go to the beach, or catch a movie?
Even if you’re more than able to cover your portion of the household bills, it can be difficult to be in such different positions of freedom. You may not want to share your easy, breezy day with your partner when you know that their day wasn’t so leisurely. This can also lead to resentment and isolation, as laid out above.
And what does that gap in freedom look like, where you’re free and someone else isn’t? You have massive opportunities that other people lack, which can be both good and bad.
For instance, you could just go off and travel. Or you could just move to almost anywhere else in the world. Suppressing opportunities can be difficult, with the knowledge of what you’re capable of already part of your psyche.
A good example of this was when I traveled to Chiang Mai, Thailand in mid-2015. I had been wanting to visit Thailand since I was in my early 20s, and the appeal only grew once I became financially free – the geographical arbitrage that’s possible there is pretty amazing, further increasing one’s freedom and opportunities.
What was once just a place I wanted to see became almost a mecca, where cheapness intersected with the fun and interesting. So many digital nomads and travelers looking to stretch their dollars without sacrificing quality of life had found this place to be “it”, so I knew I just had to see it for myself. Of course, I only realized later that I was chasing experiencism instead of consumerism.
So while my significant other lacked the ability to just jet off to some exotic place for an indefinite period of time, I didn’t. And so I kind of bullied my way into going, which caused our relationship some hardship during this period.
Another example of this is in where we currently live. I’d like to move to a larger city than Sarasota – somewhere where the public transportation is a bit more robust and the overall lifestyle is a bit more dynamic. I’m craving the ability to experience more high-quality urbanity and walkability on a daily basis. But my partner can’t just up and go at will.
Moreover, even if we were to move somewhere else, would I then at some point shortly down the road find myself in a situation where I want to go somewhere new once more?
Being grounded in some ways isn’t a bad thing, yet having no constraints whatsoever limits how grounded someone can be. Being too free can boost any fickle behavior one already exhibits.
I find that sometimes I end up spending too much time in my own mind, in my own world. Feeling like you’re a part of something – a job, a relationship, a community, etc. – acts as sort of a compass. It gives you a sense of place. A sense of belonging. A sense of direction. A sense of relativity.
If you free yourself of everything and everyone, you’ll find yourself alone and floating. That’s not where you want to be. Being too free puts you on an island of yourself.
Too much freedom also shows up in many different ways.
You might be less prone to being on time for appointments or meetings (like hanging out with friends/family), seeing as how time loses some of its meaning once you no longer have to have a tight schedule/routine.
You might also see days turn into months, if you’re not careful. One can become complacent. Even lethargic.
While I believe that the type of person who’s going to achieve financial freedom at a young age is driven to the point of probably having a bigger problem limiting how far they stretch themselves in terms of tackling challenges, the initial jolt of operating outside the realm of the 9-5 can be intoxicating, putting one in a position to just kind of let the time pass by without any kind of reckoning.
Then again, I think allowing time to slip away is just as much of a problem, if not a larger problem, when one is busy working all the time. For me, time passes by slower these days. But I am cognizant of this potential drawback, as I do sometimes go on long stretches of leisure.
Nonetheless, I think having too much freedom is exactly why one should continue to scale new heights, climb new mountains, and write new chapters.
If you just let yourself slip away instead of taking on new challenges, life can kind of lose its meaning, becoming something of a blur. Existing is not living, and living is not thriving. Thriving involves constantly becoming a better version of yourself in all aspects. We should aim to regularly improve ourselves and our surroundings. The former allows us to personally thrive while the latter allows others to thrive. Making the world a better place shows empathy, which I believe is a necessary facet to the pursuit of happiness. Part of being a human being is being empathetic.
Conclusion
Essentially, being financially free is like playing a video game on “God mode”. The normal rules of everyday life are pretty much thrown out the window. You’re not confined to the limitations of a work-sleep-work cycle, opening you up to a new perspective where you see totally different challenges and opportunities in life than everyone else. This doesn’t make you better than anyone else, but it can indeed make you different.
Unfortunately, this can be isolating, whereby few people are able to relate to your position. And it can potentially make it difficult for you, too, to relate to others. You just find yourself living a totally different lifestyle.
This situation can also invite resentment from others who don’t understand what it takes to get there, or are too limited by their own hangups or situations to tackle the journey to financial independence. Even those you love can find it difficult to support such an immense amount of freedom, because this freedom can create distance between you and them. Your abilities can make their inabilities all the more apparent. Your freedom can make their lack of freedom that much more obvious.
And just like “God mode” can make playing a video game too easy, financial freedom can potentially allow one to become too free, making life too easy. If you’re not seeking out new challenges and constantly becoming a better version of yourself, life loses some of its meaning. You end up just existing. But we’re not meant to simply survive; we’re meant to thrive. We need purpose.
Becoming financially free at a young age isn’t designed to be a construct whereby you just sit around every day. It’s instead a huge gift that can free you from the ordinary demands of exchanging valuable units of your time for less valuable units of money, which then puts you in a position to do almost anything. And while you’ll still likely go on to exchange some of your time for money, it’ll be almost completely on your terms. You can do as much or as little of it as you please.
But this gift can be somewhat of a curse. I do believe the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, but I think it’s important to be honest with everyone about the fact that there are some drawbacks. Nothing in life is perfect, financial independence included.
However, if you’re able to leverage this gift to the hilt, I’m confident that you’ll eventually experience self-transcendence, and the pursuit of happiness will be as successful for you as it possibly can be.
What do you think? Are these potential major drawbacks to achieving financial freedom at a young age? Experience any of these? Have any other drawbacks you’ve personally experienced?
Thanks for reading.
Image courtesy of: Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I think I might get a little bored too of “being too free”. I know that seems like a silly concept, but we all need to feel like we have a purpose in life. Whether that is working or doing something else that I love then sure, I would like to do that to keep busy. I still have a long way to go.
I think also being an introvert, this could damage a lot of relationships with others too. All the best.
BHL,
Indeed. We all need purpose. The whole point of reaching financial independence isn’t to just sit around all day.
But I don’t think it’s really boredom that’s the main issue, as most people who are driven enough to get here are unlikely to find themselves just sitting around. Rather, it’s that drive and focus that can actually lead to some of the drawbacks I just described.
Thanks for dropping by!
Cheers.
I agree Jason. Sorry if you took it the wrong way. I definitely wasn’t calling you lazy! There is no way you would be where you are today if you were.
Cheers
Jason, this is a deep post.
I’m INTJ so I know how you feel. Fortunately, I have a close family unit and we spend a lot of time together. We also have superficial friendships. It has been impossible for me to make deep connection now. My closest friends are from my college years. Everyone is just too busy these days.
I don’t have much problem with resentment and being too free. We have a young child and he needs constant attention. That fills up all my time. I’m looking forward to being really free when he goes off to college. Also, I’d like to find some higher purpose too. I’m sure it will come to me at some point.
Joe,
Us fellow INTJs must unite! 🙂
It’s definitely tough to find deep connections. You’re usually limited to just your significant other. I’ve done a lot of reading/research into this, and it seems that our society/culture is particularly bad when it comes to relationships and connections. It seems to be part of a larger issue. But I think that’s just one more piece of the value proposition for financial independence. If everyone had the time, energy, and resources available, deeper connections would probably be easier to come by.
Thanks for sharing.
Best regards!
Jason, I’ve read you for some time and I think this is one of your best entries ever. To me you’ve come across at times, forgive me, thin skinned. If someone challenges you, you can cut them off. I’ve thought that would be hard to live with at times. But your honesty and self aware insights here are admirable. You’ve talked so much about purpose and I’ve wondered about the balance of it all. Maybe people need to work.
Great stuff. Your journey has been very educational for me.
Paul,
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed the post. I do give my all when I write articles like this. It’s an honest account of my experiences. And I think it’s important to have this genuine discussion about drawbacks – because the lifestyle, while wonderful, isn’t without drawbacks. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But it’s certainly not perfect. Nothing is.
As for coming across thin skinned, I actually view that as being headstrong. I guess that’s perhaps a disagreement over semantics. But I’m passionate. And I go after things with 100% will and intensity. I have no time for doubters or haters. That’s just the way I operate. And it’s served me pretty well thus far. 🙂
I don’t think people “need” to work, but I do think it’s important to have purpose. Purpose and work are not necessarily synonymous. For some, it’s religion. For others, it’s volunteer work. You have work. You have raising children. All kinds of things. Work, as in a job, is just one possibility. But I do think those driven enough to get here will find that the drive doesn’t just stop overnight. In fact, I think that’s one of the great gifts of this whole thing. You now get to redirect all of those valuable resources toward far better things than, perhaps, just a job that’s paying the bills. Collectively, I’d like to think we can change the world with enough of that. But maybe that’s just the optimist in me. Either way, I’m doing my part and will continue to do so for many years.
Thanks for dropping by!
Best regards.
My theory is that we are too independent in the US. Most of us can survive on our own and we don’t really need our neighbors. In developing countries, they have deeper ties because they need each other more. In that sense, FI won’t help with relationship building because now we really don’t need anyone. Just my theory. 🙂
Joe,
Yeah, I’d agree with what you’re saying here. I was actually just having a similar conversation the other day, noting that one can live a pretty decent life here in the US just on minimum wage – and that’s even just going at it solo. Due to our widespread abundance/convenience, I could actually get by without ever leaving the house. It’ll be interesting to see where all of this goes and how it affects our quality of life moving forward.
Thanks for dropping by!
Best wishes.
Figures you were an INTJ. Me too as well. Hi guys! It seems like this is a common thing for INTJs to want to have more control over their lives and thus pursue freedom at all costs. I would note that it is also affects relationships. Independence and strict rationality, without much emotional response can come off as not caring. I tend to be introverted and somewhat misanthropic in general, but I try to consciously work against those tendencies. I am sure you all are the same way!
As for some of these things, I plan to “semi-retire” before I reach complete FI, while still doing an easy job that I enjoy for way less money part time. I hope that I can find something that will keep me in the outside world, have a bit of a set schedule, but nothing too demanding, and interact with people in a positive way. Hopefully once I don’t “need” the money, I can just do something I enjoy and cut out all of the BS, because I don’t have to worry about it. Of course, I probably won’t tell anybody that I am FI. . . just go about my day enjoying life and knowing that I don’t have to put up with anything I don’t want to or deal with bad people mistreating me.
I think it will be a very positive way to go through life.
Daniel,
You’re preaching to the choir. Totally hear what you’re saying here. I try to limit my misanthropic tendencies, but I do experience a blend of pragmatism and optimism. So it’s this thing where you’re aware of human tendencies, but you hope for the best anyway. It’s the best I can do. Even with all of humanity’s drawbacks, we’ve still accomplished a hell of a lot. I think that bodes well for our collective future as a species. However, it’s going to be a bumpy ride because of the human condition.
I think you have a great plan there. Most of the benefits I’ve experienced with financial independence were accessible a while ago, long before passive income was covering 100% of expenses. I plan to write an article about this at some point in the near future, although I’ve covered the idea (freedom existing on a spectrum) with some depth before. Being on both sides now (not free and completely free), I hope to bring a little experience to the topic. Getting most of the way there and just doing what you like (assuming you can find a paying job that you do like) is, perhaps, the best solution of all. 🙂
Best regards!
Great list. I get caught up in trying to attain financial independence that I haven’t stopped to look at the ‘dark side’ of it. We seem to have similar personalities, so after reading your experiences, I feel that they are rather negligible.
Like you said, the person that attains FI is disciplined and can just turn that same energy into conquering the drawbacks of early retirement. After climbing the FI mountain, I don’t see too much of a problem using that same energy to work through these new ones.
Here is a tip I can share as I have moved every four years for my job and left my friends behind.
I agree that it is more difficult to make friends when you are an adult, even if you are working. But I have found some who became quite close from participating in groups related to my hobbies. If you find other people with whom you share a common interest, you can make friendships through that. Meetup is one way. Gaining friends does not happen overnight, it will take time to grow the relationship.
MDD,
Hmm. After being on the other side of things, I don’t think they’re negligible at all. But perhaps your experience will vary quite a bit. We all experience things differently.
I honestly don’t think it’s as easy as shifting the focus/drive, as a lot of these things are beyond one’s own control. Resentment, for instance, is not something that’s internally controlled. There are many external factors. I can’t help it if others resent my success, as much as I’d like to minimize it. One can only make the best choice after accounting for all the information they have at hand at the time. Sometimes negative consequences arise, even if you do the right thing. To think otherwise would be walking through life naive, in my view. Life is complicated. And financial independence can actually complicate relationships around you, even if it simplifies your own life.
Although I think the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, I believe it’s important to be honest about this and not just simply brush off any consequences as if the lifestyle is totally drawback-free. Just not the way I see it.
Thanks for stopping by!
Cheers.
I found the ways of stoicism has shown me to not care what someone else thinks of me.
One of the great stoic philosophers, Marcus Aurelius said “When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.”
Yes, you cannot control the external factors in life, but you can control how it affects you.
You were one of my top inspirations to start on the path towards financial independence. Nearly all the other websites were high income earners, you (like me) were a ‘normal income worker.
Your journey reminds me of ‘the little red hen’ story. No one resented you when you were eating ramen and they were eating steaks at restaurants. No one resented you when you sold your car and took the bus. No one resented you when you worked long hours, then worked even longer making DM the success that it was. But once the hard work was over and your cake was baked, they resent it.
Unless they hit their own epiphany by understanding your story there is nothing you can do to stop the resentment. Being the stoic I am, I would not let their attitude change my life. Of course, I am not perfect and human emotions do come into play if that person is very close to me.
But like you said, we all are different and so things will affect us all in different ways. I was just sharing my thoughts on it.
MDD,
Oh, definitely. I couldn’t agree more with what you’re saying here. How you react to others’ decisions is completely up to you. As I noted in another comment, I’m glad it all happened the way it did. I don’t want people in my life if they secretly despise my success. However, all of that doesn’t change the fact that relationships are forever changed/lost (depending on how things play out). I don’t care what others think of me, but I’m also not blind to the fact that the erosion of relationships can be a big drawback to this lifestyle.
Indeed, nobody thought much about it when I first started. I remember one family member even chuckled when I first told them of my plan. Well, the laughter ceased after a while. All well and good until someone’s laughter turns to envy. Again, it’s not about caring what others think. It’s about realizing that the dynamics can change over time. How that plays out for each person is an individualized case. And these drawbacks are just a few I can think of (and have personally experienced). There are obviously many more.
All that said, I wouldn’t change anything. I’m very, very happy. I have zero regrets. 🙂
Thanks for adding that!
Best wishes.
Jason,
Sounds interesting and not to disagree because I don’t I think many people have no idea what they would do if they didn’t have work in their lives. I however have it all planned out with volunteer work and such that I can’t wait. I’ll be able to do it long before I’m financially free kind of like you when you quit your job before you hit financial freedom but I will not be lacking being around people. My only concern is losing time. Some weeks when i take off from work I lose all sense of what day it is and that scares me. Anyway keep up the not so hard work.
Tyler,
I don’t run into losing time very often. But it does happen occasionally. I’ll sometimes be really caught up with my writing and everything… and then I can drift a little bit. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, as I believe we should work hard in spurts. We should align work with our energy, creativity, passion and drive – and all of that ebbs and flows. I’m sometimes super motivated. And there are other times when I’m not. But you have to be careful to right-size everything. It’s a learning process. 🙂
Best wishes!
I’m curious. You mention:
“So while my significant other lacked the ability to just jet off to some exotic place for an indefinite period of time, I didn’t. And so I kind of bullied my way into going, which caused our relationship some hardship during this period.”
Does this mean that, although your married, you both keep your finances separate? Is she ever going to early retire and join you or is she going to take the “regular route” and retire at a later age?
SR,
Well, I discussed that over at Dividend Mantra. We’ve always kept our finances separate. You should do what works for you.
As for retirement, I also discussed this a little bit here and there, although she’s quite private. She’s never appreciated me sharing too much about her situation, as she’s not the blogger. But you could give her a $5 million check and she’d still do what she does. She loves it.
Take care!
That’s so great that she loves what she does so much. I am seriously striving for early retirement because the freedom is so important to me. Some days though, I think I’ll really miss what I do. I really do enjoy it.
SR,
Well, I actually wrote a very lengthy post on this exact subject. I just haven’t had the opportunity to publish it yet since other things (like coaching) are starting to take up more of my time.
The bottom line is that I think one should always strive to do what they love. But FI still has value. You should still always have that “ace in the hole” that freedom represents. After all, you may love your job, but your job may not always love you. It’s wonderful to know you’re always going to be okay. Moreover, we don’t always get to do what we love. And sometimes what we love doesn’t pay well or at all.
In addition, being financially independent doesn’t mean you have to quit your job. Work and financial independence aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, I think they’re mostly complementary. I see myself working for many more years.
Just my quick thoughts on it. Hope to have that post live within the next month.
Cheers!
I think we as people need routines that are part of our daily life. Once I am on FIRE mode, I’ll would volunteer more on things that I believe in to get that sense of accomplishment, maybe even teach younger kids the power of saving and what I have learned along the way.
D4F,
That sounds great!
As I wrote about, I believe empathy is a key part of happiness. It should be a huge part of the human experience. I’m giving money instead of time right now, but I do see something like the last 1/3 of my life dedicated almost entirely to philanthropy (time and money). I sometimes see myself like Buffett (he’d much rather give money than time) and I sometimes see myself like Gates (giving plenty of both). We’ll see. It’s a natural evolution process.
My time is consumed quite a bit by all of my current activities, but I think that evolution process will naturally shift how I use my time over the course of my life. It’s all part of the fun.
Best regards.
Jason, there is so much insight here. As an introvert – most recently ISTJ – I definitely do worry about some of these things in a potential early retirement scenario. Of course, things like isolation and even resentment from peers can occur even if you’re still working a traditional job.
I honestly sometimes do worry about finding myself lacking purpose and direction in early retirement. I don’t think it necessarily is true that just because you’re disciplined to save up the money that you’ll necessarily be fine in early retirement. Because the money is probably the easiest part to learn in all of this. I find that, for me at least , the life part is drastically harder than the money part. Does the money help? Probably. I guess I wouldn’t know though since I never experienced a period of major financial struggles. But I feel like all you need to do is look at normal aged retirees who were forced out due to age or got hurt, who were completely fine monetarily, but really struggled psychologically at adapting to a new life after their career.
I’ve noticed in myself that when I have more of a structured schedule, I’m far more productive with my limited free time. Would it be different If I was financially free? It’s hard to know, but I also like to think that if I was taking an early retirement, I probably still wouldn’t be living a life devoid of schedule as some people do, instead I would map out a schedule to my own liking, but some of that is probably fear of becoming the lazy couch potato without intention. But than that particular fear is replaced with things like greater isolation, especially since i don’t have a partner.
TJ,
Definitely agreed. You can still experience some of this even with a more “typical” life. But I think it’s perhaps more nuanced, and you’re at least running in the same direction as everyone else. So there’s a sense of “fitting in” that you lack once you’re living this lifestyle that’s so different from everyone else. I’ve never cared what anyone else thinks, and so I also don’t care about fitting in. However, it can be more jarring when you lose almost all connections to the normal outside world.
I believe most people require a structured schedule. I personally don’t, as all that I’ve accomplished since about May 2014 has come about without any type of schedule at all. But there are moments here and there where there’s a little time slippage. As I noted in an earlier comment, I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, though. I think our output should ebb and flow just like our natural drive/passion/creativity/motivation ebbs and flows. I’ll sometimes write three or four articles in a row. And then I’ll go a week or so where I don’t write at all, instead preferring to read or quietly think about things. Options are important. You just have to make sure you don’t squander all of those opportunities. I do believe that the type of person who’s driven enough to get here will be driven enough to keep moving forward (with whatever interests them at the time), but that initial honeymoon phase might be tough. Everyone has to find their place and purpose. It’s really all part of the fun, in my view.
Cheers!
Hi, Jason
It makes me sad to read this:
“But after losing a good chunk of my family due to their resentment of my success, I’ve become a bit more hesitant to openly share my thoughts on all of this outside of this forum”.
Of course I don’t know the details and it’s none of my business, but it appears that you’re “accepting” the loss as a done deal. Also, would they say the reason for the split is “we resent Jason’s success”?
Thanks, though, for mentioning this experience. It gives me pause as I think about how I share my DG investing journey with others.
Take care!
FerdiS, DivGro
FerdiS,
Yeah, that’s a done deal. I haven’t spoken to a few family members since late 2014 due to all of that. I also lost some other familial relationships around that time due to unrelated issues that will remain private. In some ways, I’m glad it happened. I’m not particularly sad about it. I don’t want anyone in my life that isn’t fully supporting me. The last thing I want in my life are people that fake smile around me and then try to stab me in the back at every turn. If it’s not a genuine relationship full of mutual respect, I don’t want it.
If you asked them, I’m not sure what they’d say. That’d be up to them. But after some things that were said, there are no doubts in my mind about how they felt/feel. And I’m okay with that. Like I said, I’d rather have people come out from the shadows with their real feelings. That way, you can make an honest assessment and decide what to do going forward. To each their own.
Best regards!
Never hurts to try to reach back out to somebody again. Time heals most wounds, and you may find that their attitudes have changed. Keep a positive mindset, but don’t go into it thinking that they have changed. If it works out great, if it doesn’t, don’t sweat it!
Daniel,
Sometimes you reach a point of no return. It’s unfortunate.
But I guess we all have different tolerances for what we accept and what we don’t. One of my flaws as a human being is that my tolerance is probably lower than others. We all have flaws and drawbacks. I try to make up for those flaws by shining brightly where I excel. To each their own. 🙂
Cheers.
Resentment: I tell most people I “work” as a “trader” rather than spill the beans. It just hasn’t been worth it to have to respond to their natural knee-jerk rejection of an alternative approach to life. I think people are a little threatened to find there is another mode of living available to them. They then have to question whether they are making the right life choices: painful.
FV,
Indeed. People don’t want to face the possibility that the direction they’re going in (which is the same as most others) isn’t going to lead to happiness. Nobody likes to be wrong. That’s especially the case when we’re groomed to follow everyone else.
I think your solution has limits, though. I do the same thing. I tell a lot of people I meet for the first time that I’m a writer, which is the truth. However, you then have some tough choices to make once that relationship becomes more. And you certainly have limitations in terms of how much you can hold back from immediate family members, unless you’re just not close at all. And all of this potentially leads back to the isolation that I laid out. It’s a vicious circle. You feel like you have to hold back, which then limits how close others can really get to you.
A lot of people decide to go “stealth wealth”. Fine and dandy. But you’re not really being open and honest. And that impacts relationships.
Cheers!
Good points on these three major drawbacks but the thing is, there are easy ways to get around these. I’d take being able to decide what I want to do with my time over having to work 9-5 every weekday.
Tawcan,
I disagree that there are easy ways to get around these. To pretend that this lifestyle is drawback-free does people a disservice, in my opinion. It’s a wonderful lifestyle. But it does have some kinks. It’s a shame that more people aren’t more honest about that. These are potential drawbacks that I’ve personally experienced. Others may experience different problems. There are many issues to choose from. But no lifestyle is perfect.
But I do agree that being able to do what you want with your time is well worth the potential drawbacks, as I clearly stated in the article. 🙂
Cheers!
Interesting article particularly for me. I resonate very well with one of your drawbacks. I take my own situation and I had a lot more excitement and could resonate much closer with you during dividend mantra. I am still actively saving and investing, while I lead a pretty simple life, I also have very lofty goals. While I still actively read your new site, I just found a lot more enjoyment in the other sites structure, simply because I could resonate better with you. I don’t think resentment would be what I’d call it, maybe more just down the “isolation” phase. It used to feel like we were “in it together” so to speak. I still find a lot of value in your current site, just through a different way, I guess.
Anyways it was just interesting because I’m feeling first hand from you, what people who are atually part of your life must be feeling…something for me to look for ward to!
Sean,
That’s a pretty interesting way to look at it, experiencing a change in how you relate to me based on how my focus has changed. Indeed, there’s a parallel there with how one looks at other people when they’re not necessarily on the same page. And this is a minor change we’re talking about. Instead of writing so much about stocks and dividends, I’m showing the bigger picture of how all of this affects our lives. Since the money is the easy part (something I feel like I’ve conquered), I’ve become interested in discussing how the money impacts our lives and happiness. So that’s a pretty small change. You can only imagine, then, how the dynamic shifts when others are working normal careers and you’re not. That’s a huge change. And it affects how you resonate with others (and how they resonate with you).
Food for thought. 🙂
Cheers!
Great Post! It can be very challenging when family members have certain financial expectations of you. I am not financially free YET! but I am financially free as far as my family is concerned. I am no longer the financial safety net for my family. In 2016 I only purchased two items for 2 family members both less then $120. Unfortunately, I came from a dysfunctional family and my mother (God Rest Her Soul) convinced me at a young age that it was my responsibility to care for her and my 4 younger sisters. Now at 47 years old I am financially free from family which means I do not provide financial support to anyone. I started saving more money and investing. I have been following your dividend stock portfolio and thus far I have been pleased with the results. I reside in california so many family members from other states think I have money. I stopped going to family reunions because people always asked for money or wanted to come and visit me on my dime of course LoL. My husband used to think I was anti-social, because he was a social butterfly with lots of friends. But years ago my husband was not interested in saving money, retirement, or good credit scores. Once he started to achieve these things he started noticing his FRIENDS would only call him god loans and when he was invited to have drinks after work with co workers and friends they would comment my husband could pay the tab since he had money. For a while this bothered my husband and I but now We are happy, healthy and realized we are each other’s best friend.
Thanks for the wonderful and thought provoking post
Fon-Fon,
Thanks for sharing that.
I’m sorry to hear of the troubles. That’s so unfortunate. I experienced something similar with undeserved and unreasonable expectations. It’s definitely a potential drawback of this lifestyle. I think financial independence is more than worth the stretch, but relationships can and do change as a result of our financial positions changing. People’s perceptions of you change – and so do expectations. I’ve never cared what others think of me (or else I would have never been able to do all of this), but it does sting a bit to know that you have to cut people out of your life. I come to terms with that by knowing deep down inside that I’m better off without such relationships. It sounds like you’ve come to the same realization. 🙂
Thanks for the support!
Best regards.
Family members can be jealous or criticizing of someone’s success. For me, I had family members and friends criticize me by calling me cheap. My stepfather said to me , “Buy a car and enjoy your life a**ho** !!”. I said I would rather invest than buy a car right now. My stepfather buys his cars brand new every 3 years and had his mortgage paid off for over 25 years.
I am already isolated and I have a long way to go to get to financial freedom. I do not like small talk and keep to myself usually, but that is due to my medical condition that affects ability to interact people successfully.
Anonymous,
Appreciate you sharing that. I’m always happy to be able to have this dialogue with people. It’s tough to have it in other forums. 🙂
Others can think of us what they wish. It’s beyond our control. And it’s none of our concern, right?
I remember people giving me a bit of a laugh when I’d show up to work on a 49cc scooter, or when I’d roll in via the bus. But if I cared what other people thought, I’d still be living like everyone else. And I guess I’m getting the last laugh anyway.
This lifestyle isn’t perfect. There are potential drawbacks. But I sure wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Cheers!
Hi Jason,
I understand your situation. I also encountered the similar situation in which my friends chided me for not buying a car and a property. All of them are purchasing these items and deem me as an outcast for not following their style of leading such life. I ignore their comments and follow my preferred plan which I believe to be suitable and comfortable to me.
WTK
WTK,
Live like nobody else now so that you can live like nobody else later.
Cheers!
At 29 I’m already in a position of financially supporting a parent indefinitely.
I try to be reserved about letting people know how much I have or don’t have.
Lyn,
I can’t blame you at all. Being reserved is the intelligent way to approach it. It’s just that it can sometimes create distance between us and others when that reservation is the default setting as we go.
Cheers!
Hi Jason,
Being reserved is one way to create barrier from others’ probing on the personal matter. I believe that there is one way to reduce the hassle of explaining the rationale of one’s decision to adopt the minimalist lifestyle which deviates from the usual Jones lifestyle favored by the general majority.
Minimalist lifestyle and less hassle.
WTK
Once again you’ve brought clarity to another topic that I’ve been pondering. During 2 exploratory sabbaticals, I discovered that having “too much” free time made me somewhat unproductive. There was always tomorrow to finish this task or that. Even my sleep patterns became variable. I felt the isolation you spoke of, and I tired of people either thinking I was stinking rich or a bum.
I’m 3 to 4 years from FI, it seems that I’ll need a PT job just to make sure I stay on a productive enough (but not overwhelming) schedule, and have that important social contact beyond my small circle of friends and family. A PT job would help ease my mind of the fear that a totally free me would be becoming unemployable if things went bad.
You’re a gifted writer. It was your writings that brought clarity to my jumbled exploration of Dividend investing. If anything else substantially interests me, I’ll try to twist it into a topic that you’d be willing to ponder…and write about.
Freddy,
Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate that. I take a lot of pride in the craft. And I try to occasionally tackle some ideas that maybe haven’t been discussed as much. This lifestyle is truly amazing, but I do think we could have more of a conversation about the drawbacks. Just doing my part. 🙂
Like I wrote about a while back, I think continuing to make money well after financial independence is achieved is inevitable for most people. The odds that someone who’s driven enough to reach financial freedom at a young age is just going to never make another active dollar again are low. You’re going to keep striving and working. It’s just that you’ll be free to align your lifestyle with the right activities. It won’t be about money anymore. So I think some of these drawbacks can be mitigated to a degree, but it all depends on one’s unique situation. For example, I’m still “working”, but I’m doing a lot of it by myself. Writing gives me very few opportunities to converse with people in everyday life, leading to some of these issues, like isolation. Still, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Best regards.
Jason,
And how was it difficult during your journey to FI to keep having relationships with your work colleagues and other “ordinary” people around you?
I’ve always been a lonely person. I never liked that much being in a group and just go crash somewhere.. to do… something… I never liked the small talk and I’ve always been interested in philosophy, mechanic, robotic, coding, astronomy etc… while people at my job and in school were and are usually just talking about sports results, popular tv shows, their job or the weather… I like one on one relationships.
So, I’m not yet FI, but I already have a huge disconnect with most other people around me and this disconnect has just widenned since I started accumulating assets and savings to reach FI. I don’t see it as something bad. I see it more as knowing more who I am and what kind of people I want in my life. Ordinary people from the crowd are not for me. I like intelligent marginals. So, for now I’m really ok with it because I know that I could quit, my job, never see these people again and that would be fine with me. These people make me desperate about humanity lol because I spend time with too many ordinary people and not enough time with extraordinary people. Being FI, I think, will allow me the time to connect with other FI people. Since I hold a blog on the subject, I realized that there were many out there even around me in my town and I’ve already entertained some kind of a virtual relationship with some of them and I’ll probably meet in real person some of fhem pretty soon.
To make new friends, whatever our age, you need to find people who have something major in common with you… that’s why we make friends with people at our job or in school (we’re in the same boat) and that’s why you often stop talking to them and lose interest when you change job/school…
I took several months off not long ago and I quite of experienced FI. I spent a lot of time with my wife, kid, family and my best friend but haven’t took the time to connect to any of my colleagues. I didn’t wear a watch and almost never looked at a calendar and a clock and you know what I found tough in the end?
Going back!
I’ve never been so happier in my life than during these months where I could wake up in the morning and have the potential to do anything. And I did a lot. I’m someone who loves to read, to see knew things, work on different kind of projects, write etc… I always keep myself busy. But doing the same job everyday from 9@5 is not, for me, a purpose in life. I need to find purpose elsewhere. That’s just me.
9 months off wasn’t enough to feel that being outside of the 9@5 would not be a good idea for me. Actually it wasn’t enough to accomplish even 1% of all the ideas and projects I have and I even feel that I didn’t do enough during these months. I should have traveled more, advanced more in some of my online projects, read more books, optimized my time more etc.
This experience has been the fuel I needed to increase my savings rate, optimize even more my spendings and reach FI faster.
But, my wife was at home too. My kid doesn’t go to school yet and my parents are retired. So I wasn’t totally alone. And I think that living FI alone might be quite another story. I wouldn’t enjoy it as much.
When I look at an humorist show, I laugh less if I’m alone. I will enjoy a movie less if I watch it alone… as introvert as we can be, we’re still social animals.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. It’s a very important dimension of being FI and it’s something one must take into account. I don’t think it’s for everyone. I can’t picture my oldest friend living that way. I can’t picture many people around me living that way.
Allan,
Right. I’m with you. As most of the content I produce here shows, financial independence is a wonderful lifestyle. It’s a great life choice, in my view. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m far, far happier now than I ever was when I was working a normal job. There’s no doubt about that.
However, I do feel that there are drawback to the lifestyle. What those drawbacks might exactly be for you will naturally vary depending on you and your unique experiences. We’re all different. We all approach things differently.
Adulthood can be lonely in and of itself. We tend to form our small family units and maybe a good friend or two. I think financial independence tends to make one’s social circle even smaller due to some of the potential issues that can crop up. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the stretch.
Best of luck reaching your goals so that you’re able to turn nine months into a lifetime. 🙂
Cheers!
Hi Jason,
Thanks as always for the open thought and sharing the experience from “the other side” as it were 🙂 I think my biggest concern when I am FIREd is the resentment of others – despite the fact I will have spent years working towards it, and foregone the latest super gadget X.
I have wondered what I would do (I wont be anywhere near as young as yourself when I do eventually get there) so I suspect I won’t have the problem, but I can imagine the isolation could be a challenge over a lot of years. Something I will worry about when I get there 🙂
Cheers as always for the great thoughts and insights
FiL
fireinlondon,
Yeah, the resentment is super interesting. They never resent you when you’re putting in the work and striving toward your goals. They’ll even often cheer you on. But the whole dynamic changes when you cross the finish line and they’re still in the stands. Just my experience.
I don’t think boredom is a problem at all. I’m never bored. I fill my days with lots of activities. However, many of these activities are isolating in nature (like the writing). Everything has pros and cons. Financial independence is no different. We just try to make choices that are far more advantageous than disadvantageous – and I think financial freedom certainly qualifies. 🙂
Best wishes.
Hi Jason,
To be fair over here it’s not that many people who even try and cheer you on, a lot seem to be fairly negative from the off so I keep it quiet – but you are right, once it finally happens, they suddenly see the reality – you don’t need to work, you can do what you want!
I think you are right on the boredom side – whilst it does worry me that I may run out, it seems I am never short of things to do when I am not working!
Bring on FI – even if it is a fair old way off!
Cheers, and keep up the good writing!
FiL
Jason,
While you retired far earlier in life than my wife and me (we retired in 2016 at 52 and 56 respectively), I understand what you are talking about. I used to wake up at 5:45 AM every morning (I now sleep in to 6:30) to get ready for my 1 hour commute to work; our family/friends still do this.
If we just sat around the house all day, I would consider retirement to be a terrible thing. We have adapted. We’re busy doing things we like to do when we want to. Our schedule is flexible. A huge benefit of our schedule is that I can now go to the gym for a couple of hours each morning! I want to stay healthy and active for a VERY long time so I can enjoy this new found freedom. 🙂
I’ve read your posts for the past few years. Truly a shame your family/friends offered little support. I think they would love to be in your shoes but are not prepared to put in the work and make the necessary sacrifices. Some people who are unwilling/unable to achieve the level of success attained by others resort to putting down those with whom they would gladly trade positions. I call this the “put others down to build yourself up” syndrome.
We have not experienced any resentment from our family or friends. I think that is a sign that they are truly family and friends.
Keep up the great work. You have inspired a lot of people.
Cheers.
Charles
Charles,
Definitely. If you use the power of financial independence to just sit on the couch all day, I think you’re giving up an incredible opportunity. For some, maybe that’s what it’s all about. But I find it really unlikely that someone who’s driven enough to get here will be fulfilled by that.
However, it doesn’t require one to sit around all day to experience some of these drawbacks (or other drawbacks). I’m out of the house all the time. But I still feel somewhat isolated because everyone else is living a very different lifestyle from me. Still, it’s all totally worth it. And I couldn’t imagine still being stuck in the grind. 🙂
Thanks for dropping by. Enjoy the freedom!!
Cheers.
Hi Jason,
I hear you. I also experienced the same sentiment. This is in particular when I shared the FIRE approach with some of my friends. Such FIRE approach were immediately dismissed by my friends and not befitting for the human beings. Some of my friends even went to the extent by saying that people with such mindset should not be fit to live in this world and should vanish from the world as they indicated such people are useless bum and considered as waste of the world resource.
Since that incident, I adopted the approach of not sharing my FIRE plan to other people and go about executing my plan accordingly. It’s nice maintaining the status of FI whilst doing the things which I desire.
You have my support, common-like minded pal.
Ben
Ben,
Wow. That’s unfortunate. I don’t think I ever had that kind of response, certainly not from so-called “friends”. I did have, however, quite the experience with certain family members. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad it happened. I’m better off for it. I’d rather know who’s really with me and who’s not. I don’t want anyone to pretend they care about me if they really don’t.
If anything, this is just as much a benefit as a drawback, which gives me an idea for another article. It’s good to delineate real relationships – to separate the real from the fake. This journey/plan accomplishes that to a great degree.
We’re both better off. 🙂
Cheers!
Hi Jason,
Thank for your prompt reply. Initially, I assumed that I was the only odd one with such FIRE mindset. Subsequently, I know that I am not alone with the likes of MMM. Root Of Good, you and of course other few.
I continue to live my life on my own term. I will not bother with other people’s opinions. I will execute my plan incognitely.
I look forward to new intriguing posts from you.
Ben