My mother committed suicide in early 2003. She was found with about 50 pills in her stomach.
And I felt nothing inside upon hearing the news.
I had basically written her off and cast her out of my life years prior.
There’s really only so much someone can take before they reach their breaking point, and my mom had a way of pushing far past people’s breaking points.
Growing up in Detroit is bad. Being the only white boy around in a neighborhood where racism was rampant is worse. Not having any adult supervision because your dad left two years ago and your mom is on some month-long bender is the worst.
I remember I was leaving the house one day, just after getting cleaned up from cutting a neighbor’s yard. I had a $5 bill in my left hand, earned from the aforementioned grass cutting, which was all I needed to get some food and play some arcade games down at the local party store. I was 10 years old.
My mom surprised me, walking up the sidewalk to the house. I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks. She was obviously high and/or drunk, could barely walk straight, and was yelling at some guy who was sitting in a car waiting for her.
She walked straight at me, noticing the $5 bill in my hand.
Seeing her eye dart toward the money, I quickly tried to put it in my pocket.
But I was too late. She wrestled me for it. Although I put up a good fight (I was both hungry and excited to play), she won. She took the money, grabbed a few things from her room, and got back in the car. I was crying my eyes out.
I wouldn’t see her again for a couple more weeks.
This is just one example of many memories I have of my mom. So you can imagine why I later wrote her off completely.
I barely spoke to her at all for about 10 years – between the time I was adopted at 11 years old and her suicide just before my 21st birthday.
But I would occasionally see her. Her drug use would become increasingly more dangerous over the years. When I waved goodbye to her and the house I spent my childhood in at 11, she would mostly use marijuana and cocaine.
However, she later became a heavy heroin user. And that ultimately would be her undoing, rapidly exacerbating her physical and mental deterioration.
Her Steady Deterioration Motivated Me To Never End Up Like That
Nobody wants to write off their own mother. I mean, my mom gave birth to me. Without her, I wouldn’t exist. There’s an innate appreciation there that’s hard to ignore.
However, she unfortunately made it impossible to have a good relationship. And the gap between us only widened over the years as she continued to deteriorate.
It’s perhaps this that was her greatest gift of all. Well, besides life itself.
Seeing someone that close to you slowly die is the ultimate motivation to live.
I saw firsthand what it was like to see someone who had at some point in time lost their will to live. And it was something that scarred me for life, providing a substantial amount of the motivation I have today to live a purposeful life.
Not only do I not want to die, I want to live while I’m alive.
I pursue happiness with every ounce of my being. And that’s because I got to see what misery was like up close – a misery that could only be lessened via a constant stream of chemicals and compounds.
It’s a desperation that I’ve been determined to avoid for as long as I’m alive.
However, we do share something in common here.
My mother sought to escape darkness by pursuing the happiness that drugs and alcohol provided.
I seek to escape darkness by pursuing the happiness that owning my own time, becoming a better version of myself, and making the world a better place provides.
Her Addictive Nature Was Passed Down To Me
I remember studying nature versus nurture in college. Impossible to know exactly how it breaks down (I personally believe it’s 80% nature and 20% nurture), but I do believe that my mother passed down, through nature, her addictive personality.
I see it as a gift and a curse. But I’ve done my best to maximize the gift side of the equation.
So instead of becoming addicted to drugs, I’ve become absolutely compelled to escape the rat race and live life on my terms. And I’ve made it a bit of my mission in life to inspire and motivate others that are looking for a similar lifestyle.
I’m essentially addicted to freedom.
There’s a single-mindedness I have that I can crank up to a level 12 when I really want to go after something. There’s this focus and intensity I have that allows me to completely eliminate all other thoughts other than what I’m going after. And it’s allowed me to quit my full-time job at 32 and become financially free at 33. It also compels me to produce great content, as inspiring others to be the best versions of themselves is another addiction of mine.
Well, I think my mom had this same single-mindedness. How else could she have left her children to fend for themselves in the middle of a dangerous neighborhood for weeks on end in Detroit while she got wasted? There’s no way she could have gone off to do that if she had us on her mind. She instead let addiction take over, and it compelled her to live the lifestyle she was living.
I do wonder whether I would have been able to seek out financial freedom with such resolution had my mother not passed down her addictive nature.
Her compulsion to ruin her life became my compulsion to improve my own.
Her Desire To Live Life On Her Terms Is Something I Share
It was one last conversation I had with her – the most real and honest conversation we ever had – just a few months before she died that still sticks with me today, and it made me realize that we had more in common than I ever thought.
It was Christmas 2002.
Looking at my mom, I realized that she wasn’t going to make it much longer. So I decided to tell her how I felt. I advised her that she was going to die soon if she didn’t change her ways. I asked her how she couldn’t want to change, how she couldn’t want to be free of these drugs that had a hold on her. Did she not want to live? Did she not want to be happy? Did she not want a normal life?
Her response still sticks with me, although I couldn’t believe what I was hearing at the time.
She told me that she was already living the life she wanted. To her, everything was normal. She instead challenged me, advising that it was me and everyone else that was crazy. She told me she’d never want to be stuck in a normal life, where one has to work and be stressed out all the time. She didn’t want the responsibilities of everyday life that everyone else decided was normal. She asked why it was that this kind of insanity – being overworked and overstressed – was deemed to be normal and acceptable. Who decided that? Her last point was that she actually felt sorry for me.
I shook my head and walked away. I’d never speak to her again.
Although I thought at the time that she was truly lost (a point of view that I felt her suicide mere months later validated), I realized, years later, that she actually made some good points.
I never thought I’d take any kind of valuable insight from that rather twisted conversation, but I truly have.
See, I also have no desire to be stuck in the rat race until I’m too old and used up to compete any longer. I don’t want to run a hamster wheel, stuck in place, chasing a piece of cheese that doesn’t actually exist. And I also question why it is that this craziness is deemed to be normal.
However, while we desired a somewhat similar end result (freedom), we vastly diverged in our approaches.
Her approach was to escape responsibility to herself and others. It didn’t matter if this hurt people. As long as she could do whatever she wanted, the ends justified the means.
I instead use financial freedom as the means to pursue happiness and live a purposeful life, which I believe puts me in a great position to help others pursue happiness and live purposeful lives of their own.
My mother sought to live life on her terms regardless of how it hurt or impacted others.
I seek to live life on my terms in hopes that it improves not only myself but also everything and everyone around me.
Conclusion
I write this not to defend my mother. I’m not looking to come to peace with anything. I have no regrets about the way I handled our relationship.
Instead, I hope that by sharing this intimate detail of my life, I’m able to show that we are all one people. Even those that may seem to come from a totally different point of view or have a perspective that’s irreconcilable with our own may have more in common with us than we think. It’s an approach to relationships that’s helpful in all aspects of life. Finding the good in someone may be difficult, but finding common ground may not be as hard as you think.
Moreover, part of becoming a better me involves constantly learning and reflecting. I’ve learned through this experience that there’s always something valuable, insightful, or otherwise good to take from any situation in life. If we’re able to make the most of any situation and figure out how to distill moments into what can be used to improve us, we become better.
My mother is long dead. Nothing was going to change her fate. But I’m more thankful than ever for who she was and what she gave me.
While her nurturing left a lot to be desired, her deterioration motivated me to blossom. It was everything she lacked that gave me abundance.
Meanwhile, the addictive nature she passed down produced in me a drive, to the point of addiction, to go after the things I want. She gave me an intensity and focus that have proved to be incredibly useful throughout my life.
And we actually shared a similar outlook on life (I’d learn later), which I’m very thankful for. Although our approaches diverged about as much as they possibly can, her last words to me perhaps secretly lit a fire in me that wouldn’t start to burn brightly until years later. We both wanted to be free. I simply decided to go after freedom in a manner that’s not only healthier and more viable but also far more constructive to my world and the world around me.
What do you think? Ever had an experience or conversation that later turned out to change your life?
Thanks for reading.
Image courtesy of: Tuomas_Lehtinen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Jason…an amazing story of life. My father was an alcoholic for over 20 years. My mother had her stuff as well. Parents affect the kids deeply, no way out of it. I thought all was well with my controlling self at work and in marriage until a mid-life crisis about age 45. That’s the wonderful part of a relationship. They provide a mirror for us. After the divorce I knew I carried around so much hidden baggage I had to free myself to live my own life. After five years of transformational and anger workshops, I became a free man and met a wonderful, loving woman who has been my married partner for over 30 years.
It was a turning point in my life (now age 80) that set up a loving, balanced life into my seniors years. Each child, no matter the parent, has wounds from the father and mother and society. It’s up to each one of us to free ourselves from this bondage and become our real self. I’d say it’s impossible to do it alone.
David,
Thanks for sharing!!
Yeah, I agree with what you’re saying here. You have to just release that stuff. I was never bothered very much by my mother’s antics, as I kind of “let her go” a long, long time ago… even before she died. We barely spoke for the last few years she was around. But it wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to realize that I have more in common with her than I thought. That brings a small smile to my face, even knowing everything else that happened.
Best wishes!
Jason, I recall you writing about your mom at Dividend Mantra… that’s a tough childhood and it’s great that you were able to see the positives and not to become like your mom. Even better this sad chapter of your life made you even more motivated to reach financial independence and strive for great life!
Tawcan,
Yeah, I’ve tried to make the best of it. That’s all we can really do when we’re presented with a tough go of it. I really think it’s all made me stronger and more driven to succeed, so I’m grateful for it. If you instead only see the worst in things, you’ll be the byproduct of that attitude.
Thanks for dropping by!
Best regards.
Wow,
Jason, that childhood sounds absolutely dreadful. The sad thing is that most people will never make it out of such a bad start to life.
I personally find nothing more upsetting than a parent who neglects their child. I lose my mind when I see so much as a parent smoking in front of their child.
You are a real life example of someone who started from the bottom and is on top.
DiviCents,
It was really unfortunate, but I guess I appreciate everything so much more because of how it all started. I’m actually blessed in that respect. I mean, I would have rather had a different childhood. But maybe I wouldn’t be so driven if it were different. Hard to say. All we can do is make the best of what we’re given. And I feel really good knowing that I’ve done that. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Best wishes.
Thank you for sharing this story. I find it so interesting how many people, who had deeply neglectful parents or a parent who passes early in life, go on to do amazing things…Madonna, Wayne Dyer, Bill Clinton etc.
Part of the inheritance of a child is the personal challenges their parents have still not figured out. Many fail to rise to the occasion and define the problem and its resolution once and for all. Yet, you rose to the challenge and built a beautiful life, transforming the life energy your mother gave you.
I think it was a really good thing that you had that last talk with you mom, so you knew where she was coming from. Understanding why our parents act as they do allows us to identify the problem triggers and then brainstorm new ways to alleviate the pain.
Nicki,
Definitely. A lot of people take their terrible situations and decide to turn it all around. Others give in to their own struggle. I suppose that’s probably a nature vs. nurture thing, so I guess I do owe the nature side of things to my (otherwise terrible) parents. Meanwhile, I do now see, after all these years, that perhaps it’s really that side of the coin that’s allowed me to prosper in my own singular way, overcoming the unfortunate nurturing.
I’m glad I had that last talk. It’s given me something to think back on after all this time. I never thought I had a thing in the world in common with her. But I see that it’s not so. I just had a different approach to life in general that helps others rather than destroys others.
Thanks for adding that!
Cheers.
Hi Jason you are a man that has walked many paths in life. you have gone down those paths and learn valuable life lessons. thanks for sharing those life paths and lessons with us all. I know some where painful paths but to hear how you turned them into positives is inspirational for all to read. Good luck on life journey.
Cheers Michael
Michael,
Hasn’t always been a neat, linear rise to my current station in life. But I’m even more grateful for where I’m now at, knowing that I was able to overcome all the bumps along the way. I guess I appreciate it that much more. So I have my mom, in some ways, to thank for that. 🙂
Cheers!
Hi Jason — thanks for sharing this personal story and what you’ve learned in the process. Your willingness to share and your very mature outlook on life is what makes your writings so worth reading. Take care!
FerdiS,
Thanks for the kind words. Really appreciate it. 🙂
Hope you found value in the post.
Best regards.
Jason,
You had a very tough childhood. I feel fortunate that I had a wonderful set of parents. Many people I’ve known had broken homes and irresponsible parents. No wonder you are so driven. My grandfather was an alcoholic and always getting into scrapes with the law. My father grew up in neglect and poverty. He pretty much reacted the same way you have, by attaining successful and becoming the best man he could be. Kudos to you for rebounding so nicely…
Rod
Rod,
Thanks so much. I really appreciate that!
We’re a strange species. You can give 10 people the same input, yet end up with 10 different types of output. I guess for as poor as my parents were in regard to nurturing, the nature they passed down to me gave me the “nuts and bolts” necessary to succeed. And I’m really grateful for that.
Best wishes.
Jason,
You are a survivor instead of a victim, taking a bad situation and learning from it. I really like the way you addressed what you had in common with your mother and turned it into something that works for you. I too recognize that I am a mirror of my parents and have worked to minimize habits that seem to be unproductive and not effective.
My big changes came when having a daughter at age 40, so you could say that having her helped save my life. I stopped drinking and got into much better shape, losing 35+ lbs in the process and adopted better habits. Prior to her being born I wouldn’t plan my life more than one to three years in the future so I wasn’t an investor, more of a speculator that got poor results. That has all changed and I’ve been on a new path the last 3+ years- it feels great and I am happy to soldier on.
I am not sure if I got something directly from this post but it gave me much to reflect upon so thanks for that.
-Mike
Mike,
Hey, that’s great that your daughter helped turned your life around! Being in better shape, not drinking, and thinking about life around a more long-term framework is fantastic.
I think we should always take the best of any situation we’re faced with. That’s really what this article is all about. I used to think really negatively of my mother and my childhood, but I’ve since learned to see only the good that came out of it. And I’m now actually quite grateful for everything that happened to me, as I’m in just this incredible position in life. Life is mostly your attitude and how you respond to things, rather than what happens to you. I think this is a great example of that.
Thanks for sharing that!
Best wishes.
Jason, what a heart rending childhood you had! The odds of anyone getting out of that to be a responsible working adult, leave alone a financially free individual, is less than 1:1000. What you have accomplished, my friend, is nothing short of amazing!! Those of us who’ve had loving parents and ‘normal’ childhoods have no excuse but to pull up our pants and get FIREd already! Thanks for sharing this personal story.
TFR,
Thanks!
Yeah, I suppose the odds of all of this happening are quite low. That’s one reason I appreciate it that much more. I mean, becoming financially independent in your early 30s on a pretty ordinary salary is incredibly difficult in and of itself. But doing so after such a tough start is almost unheard of. Well, it occurred to me some time ago that my mom left me with some gifts that I never fully recognized before. For all the hardship she put me through, she also left me with some lasting personality traits and world viewpoints that have helped me scale an enormous mountain.
So, yes, like I always say, if I can do it , almost anyone can! 🙂
Cheers.
Jason,
After reading DM for years (and unsuccessfully trying to follow you on Facebook), I’m so glad to have found the continuation of your journey here. These more meditative, longer-form pieces are fantastic. Your personal story always made you stand out from other FIRE bloggers. Sharing it here, in unsparing detail and with so much insight, again distinguishes you from the pack.
My dad’s relationship with his father was a lot like yours with your mother, resulting in many of the same challenges, contrasts and consequences. This post has given me a lot to think about and be appreciative of today, especially the resiliency that allows us to soldier on despite setbacks and become stronger because of it. Thank you for that.
Heather,
Thank you so much. Really appreciate the kind words there. I’ve always tried to blaze my own trail, as the journey to financial independence somewhat requires it. But just writing about money endlessly would bore me and, I think, everyone else. I enjoy covering stocks and discussing how mastering one’s finances can help them master life, but your whole perspective changes when you realize that money is the easy part of the whole equation. It’s really everything else in life that can be really hard. And it’s all of that other stuff that leads to so much insight, personal growth, and fun.
I’m glad this post gave you something to think about. I write from the heart with the hope that it helps and inspires others. We sometimes have situations in life where it seems like nothing good can come from them, but I’ve found that there’s always something worthwhile to take away.
Best regards!
Thank you for sharing such a personal and what I can only assume was a deeply emotional story for the things you experienced. it’s never easy having someone like that in our lives, I’m just happy you came away with a great life lesson and one that is life changing.
Make it Hail,
Hey, I’m really happy to share if that means I’m able to help and inspire others. I just want people to know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, even if it seems really dark. Always something good to take away from our experiences.
Cheers!
What a story you tell here. It really is sad that some kids have to grow up like this, and more often than not they fall into the same habits as their parents. Very good to see that you did not follow that same path and have done something positive not only for yourself but for other readers. Thanks for the story.
BHL,
I saw what my mother’s path leads to. She taught me firsthand not to walk that road, so I have her to thank for showing me what not to do. 🙂
Cheers!
Very powerful story. I completely agree that an addictive personality can be a blessing or a curse. I’m the opposite of you as I don’t have an addictive personality at all. That’s good at times, and not so good at others. Many people who are truly great at something have addictive personalities. You almost have to in order to get that good at one thing.
The closest thing I have to an addiction is pursuing financial independence. I want that more than anything else.
In a weird way, your mom did make some good points. Living in the rat race is a crazy existence. Go to work at a job you don’t like in order to make more money to buy things that won’t lead to happiness. Do that for about half your life and then retire when your better years are behind you. I’m lucky enough to have a job I really enjoy, but I still don’t have control over my future. I still go to work everyday in part because I have to. That’s really why I pursue financial independence – for the freedom and control it provides.
Thanks for sharing your story!
GFY,
Right. It’s funny to look back at it now and realize that in her own twisted way, she actually made some really great points. Although the path she took was really wrong, I admire the end result enough to pursue it with all I’ve got (albeit in a very different way). It’s a shame she lived the way she did. The lifestyle is wonderful once you’re able to set it up in a really sustainable and healthy way.
Thanks for dropping by!
Best regards.
It’s posts such as these that make me follow your blog. I first heard of this story back during the dm days, and I was moved by it; and then now reflecting back and the similarities that you and your mom shared, and analyzing it just takes it to a whole new level. Your writing adds a personal and very human touch to the blog; it makes the reader realize why you do what you do. You’re right, if you just talked about money and compound interest it may get a bit boring– (although your monthly income updates are always something to look forward to).
But this… all I can say is wow. This is a powerful piece. That must have been a terrible childhood; and to persevere and triumph through it all shows real grit and character. I can see now why you want freedom. I think it’s great that you’ve inspired a lot of people here. You’ve certainly inspired me. About 10 years ago, I was on the earn to consume treadmill. I made good money, and started to put a tiny portion aside, but retirement seemed like such a long time from now, and the way I figured it, you only live once and you never know when it will be taken away from you.
My focus has shifted since then. I now realize that the consumption will not really lead to happiness, and compound that with the toxic environment at work– I needed to get out and be free. I discovered dividend investing around this time, and then found your dm blog and have never looked back. I see where you are at now, being financially free and aim to be there someday.
But it’s stories such as these, and the reflections and lessons learned from them that really adds that human element to them. We all want to be free. There’s no doubt about that. Thanks for sharing your reasons for wanting it as well.
j
j,
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. And I also appreciate the fact that you really understand the message behind the post, as well as what my writing is really all about. There’s a deeper message at play and a larger story I’m trying to tell. The money is just one chapter of what should be an incredibly fulfilling book. It’s a holistic lifestyle where everything connects and complements everything else.
So glad that my writing has inspired you to change your life. I mean, if consumption really led to happiness, I’d say go for it. But cost of living doesn’t correlate real well with quality of life past a certain point – a point which is not all that difficult to reach. Once you open your eyes to that, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to jump off that treadmill and live a more meaningful life. And then once you’re able to live without the treadmill, you realize that there’s so much more life to explore. That’s where most of the fun is.
Wish you the best of luck as you continue to strive toward your potential and dreams. 🙂
Best wishes.
My hat is off to you Jason. Thanks very much for sharing your story. I struggled through some very tough times as a child, but not near as challenging as what you described above. My struggles were just money. My family lost our home when I was 14. We lost everything. Finding money to eat was a real challenge and often went days without eating. Our family of five were put into a one bedroom apartment and I slept on the floor for the first 2 years. No mattress, just the carpet. I do have two great parents though. We started back at zero and worked our way back up as a family. I consider myself extremely lucky to have the parents I do. This experience changed me though big time. It became more and more difficult to relate to my peers. I became a bit of a loner and I did everything I could to hold on to every dollar I got my hands on. I am still like this today, 15 year later. Now I use every dollar to buy wonderful companies that increase their earnings every year and increase their dividends. This may seem weird but I am wondering if you have ever thought about the similarities you have with Eminem. Both from Detroit. Both had drug addicts for mothers. Both of you grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood. Both of you bullied. Both of you seem to use your struggle as motivation and both of you seem almost obsessed (I mean that is a good way, maybe not the right word) with your craft. I was wondering if you listen to his music and if you feel like you relate to him or perhaps you have never thought of it. Thanks again for your story. All the best Jason!
Shawn,
Well, I’m definitely not aiming to compete with anyone. Wouldn’t be a very nice competition to win anyway. It sounds like you had it pretty much as bad as me. It’s really unfortunate that so many kids in developed countries still go through these rough childhoods. I mean, it’s not like there’s not abundance here. It’s just often poor decision making on the part of people, although it sounds like your situation might be a bit different in that regard. The best thing my parents ever did for me (besides give me life) is leave me behind. That allowed me to flourish, although it’s only now that I see both the nature and nurture that was passed down to me really benefited me. We sometimes lose sight of stuff like that when we go through tough times.
That’s an interesting question there about Eminem. I’ve definitely caught a lot of his music, growing up when I did and living where I did. Definitely a lot of similarities there. He seems to hold on to that pain way more than I ever did, though. I’m pretty free of it. If anything, I think this post shows that I’m actually grateful for it all. Made me the strong, driven, and focused person I am today, for better or worse.
Glad to hear that you’ve done the same as me, using your past experiences to better your future. That’s really all we can do when we’re presented with tough circumstances. Always an opportunity to use something to our advantage. 🙂
Cheers!
Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Is enlightening to see how such adverse environment can become a blessing for some. Personality and strength of mind, I will think.
In my case alcoholic father, domestic violence, bipolar mother and poverty. A blessing as well as I learnt to take responsibility for myself and siblings from a very young age. There is however, a significant difference between my behaviour and the way some of my siblings have conducted their lives – dropping off school and having self destructive behaviours, etc. That is changing thanks to the support we provide one another but it has taken a lot of time and effort.
Among other things some of the bipolar traces have been passed down to me in the form of perfectionism.
I wouldn’t change a thing. My life experiences make me feel very capable when overcoming any obstacle and I’m always up for a challenge 🙂 I’m very grateful for that and for receiving such meaningful and honest content from your blog writings.
Thanks Jason!
Ali,
It sounds like you’re in a very similar situation over there. You’ve used the nature and nurture passed down to you to your advantage, whereas other people (including some in your own family) could/would use that to their disadvantage. I’ve come to see it all as a blessing in disguise, as you have. We’re always going to face obstacles and setbacks in life. We could pack up and go home – or we could charge forward. I always choose the latter. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Best regards.
Damn man. I’ve read your other stories about her over time, but that part about living life on her own terms and being happy with it is pretty mind blowing. In good and bad ways! Such fascinating stuff – getting me to really stop and reflect, which isn’t an easy task these days 🙂
J. Money,
It’s really crazy to look back on it now.
I just shook my head at the time. It’s kind of a strange last conversation to have with your mom.
But now that I’m living the kind of life she always wanted – but in a very opposite way – I’m able to find some comfort in all of it. And it’s really allowed me to be at peace with what happened. 🙂
Thanks for dropping by. Glad it provided you some value. I know you read as much as I do, so it’s always nice to come across something that makes you think for a second.
Best regards!
Wow, Jason. Wow. I felt like I was reading the script to “8 Mile”. I’ve read about and followed your journey for some time now….including your Today Show appearance. You’re an impressive fella…extremely smart and wise beyond your 33+ years. I’m glad I came across your new sight. Your future is so bright I need to wear a welder’s shield 🙂
Jon,
Thanks so much. Really appreciate that. I’ve worked so hard over the last few years to become a better version of myself, and seeing my past in this new light is part of that. I’ve been able to finally shed all of that baggage by seeing how it helped me become who I now am. Couldn’t have done it without her, which is strange to now say.
And I hope that by sharing this, I’m able to help others shed their own setbacks/baggage and become better versions of themselves.
Cheers!
Jason,
You’ve made a wonderful life for yourself. All the best in the future and keep on pursuing happiness!
RocDoc,
I can only hope that I’m able to continue pursuing happiness and helping others pursue their own happiness for many more years to come. And I hope you’re able to continue doing the same things for yourself and those around you for a long, long time, too. 🙂
Cheers!
That’s a telling insight into your childhood. Mine wasn’t rough to that degree – just the usual money struggles, food struggles, utilities struggles that come along with poor financial decisions on the parents part. My dad was bi-polar and alcoholic and interestingly enough we never had alcohol around our house growing up. Evidently he quit drinking when we were all super little, but when the divorce happened it was like making up for lost time.
He went to rehab maybe 4 times although it seems more than that. He tried to get back on track but unlike your mom he wasn’t happy with himself, and he couldn’t figure that one out. He too ultimately committed suicide, and it was rough. I hadn’t written him off and still considered him to be a good friend beyond just a dad. We’d talk a lot and hang out whenever I was in town.
Like you, I just took a lot of that as motivation for “things I never want to do/be in life”. My siblings, not so much. It’s hard to let go of, but way easier than trying to live holding onto all of that hurt, hate, living in the past.
Looking forward to reading more and glad I came across your site. Thanks for the reality check today.
Mr. SSC,
Thanks for sharing!
Sounds like you went through some very similar struggles. It’s unfortunate. I guess we all have our personal demons. It’s just so sad when people decide to have children and then let those demons affect the kids. Because then you risk passing down those issues to people who didn’t ask for that. It’s corrupting an innocence, and it’s really quite unnecessary.
But I’m glad you did the same thing. You used that experience as motivation and as a guiding light. You realized what you didn’t want to become, which naturally pulls you in a very different direction. I suppose that’s really a great gift. Sure could be a better delivery of it. But we do what we can with what we’re given. 🙂
Best wishes!
I’m sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience growing up, although my mom was highly functioning. She made it until I was 19, and she finally passed away. There’s so much bitterness, confusion, and a feeling of loss–not for the parent you had, but the parent and the life you could/should have had.
I’ve since made as much peace as I can with the memory of my mom, but it doesn’t take away the legacy of her decisions. I agree: it takes seeing someone make all the wrong moves to motivate you to keep moving. Addictive personalities are, indeed, inherited, so I make sure to pump my energy into things like work, writing, and cooking.
mrspickypincher,
That’s really sad. And I totally agree. It’s not a sadness for losing someone; it’s rather a sadness for what could’ve/should’ve been. Although I wasn’t sad at the time of her passing, I now look back on it with a degree of sadness due to so much waste. Life is so short and precious. It really is sad when people waste it. But that’s the great legacy that these people leave us. They show us what a gift life is and how not to waste it. Add in that addictive nature and we’re almost compelled to move toward amazing things.
So glad you’re making the most of it. That’s all we can really do!
Best regards.
Wow Jason! Great story telling. It was very compelling and it made me want more. I have to say that I am very proud of you. You did not pick up the victim mentality from all of this. I have to say that I have come across a lot of people who end up in the victim role due to there past, but you didn’t. You became empowered. That is so inspiring! It puts a kick in my pants to keep going and never give up on the dream that we are creating at Wealth Well Done. This is my first time here on your site. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing! Keep up the great work! You are changing lives.
Amanda,
Thanks so much. Really appreciate that!
I’ve never thought of myself as a victim at all. If anything, I suppose my mom was a victim of whatever mental illness she was born with. It’s really sad to be so powerless in life. But for as much as she wasted life, she gave me the nurture and nature I need to really succeed. And perhaps that’s a good example of the beauty in life. Beautiful things can come out of something so ugly.
Once we know what we don’t want in life, it sure makes it easier to steer ourselves in the right direction. I’ll forever be thankful for that!
Thanks for stopping by.
Cheers.
Of course! You have such a powerful story and the possibilities are endless for you to help change lives!
Incredible story. I love how you overcame a huge stumbling block passed down to you and used it to your advantage. This kind of story makes reading about personal finance so much more real.
CoupleofCents,
Hey, I’m happy to share. Life is full of obstacles. We all face them. The key is how we overcome them. 🙂
Cheers!
I can somewhat relate to this. My mom was (is, and always will be) an alcoholic. Haven’t seen my dad since I was 15. I call her a functioning alcoholic though as she was able to maintain her job as a pharmacist (my mom is, without a doubt the smartest person I know) until she was in her late 50s when she was abruptly let go of her job which she held for 30 years. I still don’t know exactly what the accusations were but I suspect she was drinking at work. She swears it wasn’t true and that her drinking never trickled into work but why else do they fire someone who’s worked there for as long as she has and had amazing rapport with clients? Anyways, even though she wasn’t doing cocaine, heroin or stealing from us there’s only so much of an addict one can handle. Doesnt matter who they are. If they’re toxic in your life they need to go. Even if it is mom. After I left home I started to distance myself. By the time I had kids of my own she was basically not in the picture at all. I don’t want my children knowing her as an alcoholic (though when old enough I will disclose to them because i feel it’s important they know since mental health and addiction are serious things). Like you she motivated me to go after everything that was important to me. Family stability, a career that allows family life, and no addiction. I don’t have an addictive personality when it comes to alcohol /drugs… Just does nothing for me but like you when I want something I go after it… Not sure it has to do with my upbringing or not. Thanks for sharing your story.
Catherine,
Thanks for sharing that really personal story.
It’s so tough to see those around us struggle with addiction and dependencies. But I learned long ago that people have to help themselves. And you can only be the change you wish to see. If they want to change, they’ll change. These issues and personal struggles, however, do motivate us, and I really think that’s an amazing legacy that we’re left with. Although your mom might no longer be in the picture, she left you with a great example of what not to do and the strength to go after what you really want with everything you’ve got. It’s strange how addiction, or whatever it may be, pulls different people in different directions. It can mean alcohol and/or drugs to one person. Yet it can mean stability and a great career to another. I really think it’s the right combination of nature and nurture, and that’s why I’m really thankful for it all. You obviously have to let those people go. But you can keep the gifts they leave you with. In that way, we can be really fortunate.
Best wishes!
This was a really powerful article. Huge respect to you for becoming who you are after such years of childhood. Personal tragedies always make great impact on people’s lives. This can happen either way. I’m not sure if the majority of the people in such situation can gain this much positive strength. Thank you for sharing your story!
Roadrunner,
Thank you. Really appreciate that!
I just hope that by sharing this story, others are able to glean something. Whether it be motivation, inspiration, or courage, I hope that my story of personal struggles and triumph shows others that we don’t need to let obstacles get in our way, even when those obstacles are put in place by people really close to us. In fact, it’s often those obstacles that make us stronger and better versions of ourselves. And for that, I’m thankful for all the things my mom put me through.
Cheers!
Such a poignant post, thank you for sharing. My heart aches for your 10-year old self and how that, and the rest of your childhood, must have made you feel. Your post makes me want to give my little ones a huge hug and tell them how much I love them. But first, kudos to you and all that you’ve been able to overcome and achieve despite the circumstances. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog, and this post tops it all. Keep on keeping on, Mr. Free!
Single Income Life,
Thank you so much. I’m really happy to share. I just want to inspire and help people. 🙂
Yeah, that 10-year-old me had a rough go. I remember cutting grass in the summer and shoveling snow in the winter… just to have money to eat. Definitely taught me a lot of valuable lessons. It’s probably made me a little more hard around the edges than I’d otherwise be, as I’m rather pragmatic and, at times, cold. There’s a chip on my shoulder. But all of it got me here, so I have no complaints.
Appreciate the support. I hope people know that we can overcome great obstacles, even when those obstacles are put there by our loved ones (or even when those obstacles are our loved ones).
Best regards!
Wow, thank you for sharing your story, what an upbringing and look how you survived – and thrived. Well done!
Roz,
Thank you. It’s been a crazy road to get here, but I appreciate it that much more. 🙂
Happy to share if it means I can inspire a few people out there.
Cheers!
Hi Jason,
Thank you for sharing your life moments, albeit a pretty bitter and difficult period of your life.
I’m moved by the fact you made it through, and came out a stronger and better person; it is so very easy to blame circumstances and fate for the hand dealt to you.
I do not have such a ‘hand’ to share about my life – a normal dull upbringing – but your article shows that people like me have very little to ever complain about…that there is so much to be grateful and thankful for.
I’m so glad I came across your article; it made an impact.
I shall stop to smell the roses later.
And just as relevant – if you can live through that, and come out stronger and enlightened, then so can I.
Thank you, Jason.
Charles,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Really appreciate that!
Yeah, I think we have so much to be grateful for. Just being alive is an incredible gift. Add being born in the 20th century in the USA (as a white male on top of that) – and you have a true bonanza. As Buffett likes to routinely point out, babies being born in the USA today are the luckiest babies to ever be given life. I mean, there are so many people all over the world truly struggling. So I take my past personal struggles in stride. And taking a really good look at things, I’ve learned to fully appreciate the unique experiences and traits my parents passed down to me. It got me here, so that’s saying something.
Best wishes!
I volunteer in a community where majority of the little kids have drug addicts parents or struggling single parents. I think I would read your story to them, even if they don’t really understand it all (English is not a main language here), it’ll make a difference!
lyn,
Hey, that’d be great. If it can positively affect just one child, that’d make all the difference in the world. 🙂
It’s awesome that you volunteer in that type of environment. Breaks my heart to see kids going through some of the things I went through. But that’s why philanthropy is becoming such a big part of my life.
Thanks for dropping by!
Cheers.
Thanks for sharing, Jason! It’s always nice to know that we have choices in life no matter how messed up our situations are in life. Although my situation was far less challenging than yours, I did deal with suicidal parents for many years growing up. This really impacted my desire to control my own destiny and ensure my own happiness (regardless of events). That drive allowed me to take action early on and today I have the freedom to be home with my kids and pursue my passion projects freely. Thanks again for sharing your inspiring journey!
Michael,
Thanks for dropping by and sharing that!
Yeah, I totally know what you mean. When we see others struggle with all of these issues, I think it either traps you or it motivates you to get as far away from that type of situation as possible. While I feel bad for others that get sucked into the trap, I think you have to take some responsibility for your own actions and put in the work to get out. That said, I’m glad I got to see what not to do. And I’m glad to have certain traits that can be used for good or bad, which I use to my advantage. Maybe that’s just the optimist in me, but it’s served me well. 🙂
Best regards!
Man, an amazing personal life story! A man from hell to freedom heaven!
You’ve shared a most personal story after Dividend Mantra (I missed it very much). Sometimes ADDICTION is good when you use it correctly. Your freedom addiction helped you to get this success. You are the living proof for it.
Best wishes!
FJ,
Thanks so much! 🙂
Yeah, addiction can be good and powerful if you direct it in the correct manner. My mother chose not to do that, but she taught me some valuable lessons (and passed on some unique traits).
Best regards.